COT 2 - ELECTRIC BLOGALOO

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Sub-Sonic Psychological Warfare in South Yreka

Howdy Again C.O.T. Agents (and Spies),

It's been another uneventful day in Sis-ki-you County--unless you count the sub-sonic psychological warfare experiment that was being conducted today in South Yreka. You probably think I'm joking. You probably didn't go to the Yreka Raley's this afternoon either.

In a bLog of yore, I told ya'll about how socially fucking inept Yrekans are. Even though I done spent most of my youth in Y-Hicka, I still ain't used to it. Normally I wouldn't give Yrekans' rude fucking behavior much consideration--I'd just figure that it was a bi-product of my "weird" appearance. EX-FUCKING-CEPT...I've been wearing my C.O.T. Normal Person Disguise regularly (and that includes today when I frequented the Yreka Raley's).

I've encountered rude fucking behavior at the Yreka Raley's before. Once when I told a cashier that I didn't need a bag for the pack of gum I was purchasing and was called (by him) a "Tree-Hugger". And another, more recent, time when I went to pick up a prescription for my mom at the Yreka Raley's Pharmacy and the guy who was working there tells me: "You were crazy in high school". What a fucking cunt that guy is! Especially since I didn't even know that guy (fucking cunt!) in high school and I graduated from high school FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS AGO!!!

Well, today the Yreka Raley's continued it's fine tradition of rude fucking behavior. Here's an abridged version of the events that befell me during my shopping experience:
1. I can't find any aftershave, so I ask an employee if the Yreka Raley's carries aftershave.

2. The Yreka Raley's employee tells me: "No. Sorry."

3. I tell the Yreka Raley's employee that it's not her fault, and say: "Thanks anyway".

4. The Yreka Raley's employee then tells me (in a Manchurian Candidate kind of way): "Thank You".

5. I go to a checkout line to pay for my pomade (pondering the Manchurian Candidate-like response I got from the Yreka Raley's employee).

6. The cashier asks me: "How are you?" (in a Manchurian Candidate kind of way).

7. I tell the Yreka Raley's cashier: "I'm intrigued". Because, like I said, I actually was from pondering the Manchurian Candidate-like behavior of the previous Yreka Raley's employee I enountered and was in the process of pondering the Manchurian Candidate-like behavior of the Yreka Raley's employee I was presently encountering, and simultaneously wondering if the military was conducting sub-sonic experiments in psychological warfare nearabouts the South End of Yreka. By the way...I am not trying to be funny--I was earnestly pondering these things.

8. Even though I am holding only one item, the Yreka Raley's cashier asks me for the third time if it is "everything".

9. Then, she says: "Thank You" in the same Manchurian Candidate kind of way that the previous Yreka Raley's employee that I encountered did.

10. And I realize: "Thank You" is a Yreka Raley's employee's way of really saying "Fuck You".

11. Thus, "Thank You" is the new "Fuck You".

12. So I say to the Yreka Raley's Manchurian Cashier: "Thank You".

13. And, as I leave through the automatic doors of the Yreka Raley's I am saying, under my breath, the following:

13a. Thank your mother.

13b. Thank you and the horse you rode in on.

Ad infinitum.

So anyway...in other, less sub-sonic experimentation in psychological warfare news:

Here is a list of the businesses I support in Yreka...

1. THE VILLAGE GRIND: It's a cafe. I go there almost every day and drink Breves and read.

2. NATURE'S KITCHEN: Q. Where can you buy a lemon bar, a book on Saxon Witchcraft, a Jesus postcard and a cup of coffee (if THE VILLAGE GRIND is closed) all under one roof in Yreka? A. NATURE'S KITCHEN. And they serve up some damn decent victuals as well.

3. DENNY'S: The cook looks like Dennis Rader (The BTK Guy), but he doesn't make the coffee (as far as I know). I only have coffee at DENNY'S. PLUS if it werent' for the YREKA DENNY'S, I wouldn't have a place to sit and read and write until whatever hour.

Here's a list of the businesses I BOYCOTT in Y-Hicka...

1. BISCOTTI's: It's a cafe (or pretends to be), and it's not really called BISCOTTI's...it's something else with a "B". You can't miss it, though, it's right on the corner of Miner and Broadway in Yreka. If you've read C.O.T. Blogs of yore, you should know why. If not...I'm not in the mood to repeat myself.

2. THE REX CLUB: Sacrilidge (!), many longtime C.O.T. Agents will shout. Okay...it sucked bad enough without Mel and Del, and now they've got rid of Maggie for no apparent fucking reason. I won't go there until they re-hire Maggie and give her a raise and give Del his rightful place on The Rex Club Wall of Fame.

3. WAL-MART; I shouldn't have to explain why.

4. And, now, The Yreka Raley's.

Well, I'm-a-done fer now C.O.T. Agents (and Spies)...Keep Rockin' like Dokken!!! As Ever, Your Decline of the West, FELIX

¶ 12:11 AM

Corinna AKA Corinna said...
You crack me up.

I don't know if the "thank you" thing is really a "fuck you," but I know I get so used to saying certain niceties that it becomes second nature and sometimes I use them interchangably even though they only make sense in a certain circumstance. Like, when anyone thanks me I automatically say "no problem" and then will end up saying it when it makes no sense. Or I'll tell people to have a good one and I'm so used to them saying "you too" that sometimes I'll say thanks when they don't say "you too" and it just sounds weird.

Meanwhile, you should come into Penney's.

joey nova said...
No, THANK YOU