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Unfathomable Miscellany
Loryn
Part One:...An Open Letter (From Those of Us Who Never Got What We Wanted)
Sometimes, I wish I could be what she is for you.
I want to be the one that makes your hard; the one that gets you off. I wish I could be the one that makes you think you will never be satisfied as long as you live if you don't have her. I want to be that one for you.
Yes, yes...I do. But I won't be.
Never will, either, 'cause it's not like that with us. See, it's like this--I make you wanna fuck me. My big breasts, my round hips, my curvy ass--I have the kind of long hair you can tangle your fingers in until you get so stuck all you can do is hang on and fuck me until you can barely stand.
Yeah, that's more like it.
But really, I wish you liked me. Even just a little like that. I wish you would tell me long, elaborate stories and read me angsty love poetry. I wish you would whisper to me that you wanted to be with me when the sun comes up. I wanted you to kiss me, even just once, without knowing that it meant nothing.
Maybe if I was prettier, or more subtle. Or even ugly, and more angry,you'd like me. Sometimes I just wish you'd even glance at me like I am a person. I want you to see me...to see me for who I am. Or who I could be.
No one has ever had the faith that I deserve. Not even me.
Maybe that is why I will never be her for you. I am always the one with the melancholy laugh; the one with the crooked smile that cocks so easily into a giving smirk. Because I know you. I know what you want. And I know that only I can give it to you.
Still, though--even after that, you won't see me. I doubt you'll even read this. I'd bet if you did, you'd write it off lke it wasn't even about you.
And maybe it's not. You never know.
I guess that, truly, you never really do know who wants you--and how. Or even in that way. I'm not even sure that you, being who you are--would even care about shit like that...like this...like me.
Well, I know you don't care about me. Why should you?
I know that in reality--I just make you wanna pry my thighs apart and fuck me. But I wish I could be what she is for you. And I'm sorry I can't be.